As i write today, i am sitting here giving myself my own advice... so i am using YOU to get it down on paper (or rather computer) so when tough days come i can bring it up.. read it.. and take a good dose of my own medicine.. Thank you for being the reason i write today.
Life is so busy sometimes huh.. but if i think back to all Ive done in the last few weeks i can vaguely remember loads of washing, housework, playing with my girl, cooking a few meals.. and did i remember to vacuum??
The weeks go by sometimes and blur into one big mess of repetitive motions... and before you know it .. you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and shriek in despair when the woman staring back at you resembles a chubby naked version of your own self that is now a distant memory.. For what seems like a past life ago you begin to remember the days where you would get up, get pretty and take yourself off shopping to buy a well deserved sundress just because.. well it was sunny! You didn't really need an excuse to buy yourself something, nor did you need to justify yourself as to why you slept in til 11... those 3 cocktails you spend 50 bucks on didn't matter.. and sex.. well it was just a normal part of your daily routine!
As i stood there.. naked.. makeupless and my hair resembling a birds nest.. i looked in the mirror and thought.. who am i.. or rather who WAS i !?
As i started getting dressed.. i went to the wardrobe.. and all i could see were my semi folded tracksuits, tatty tights, over sized tee shirts and nursing bras... I remember the days my wardrobe used to be filled with pretty, small, fresh and new outfits ready to show off my cute body in over the weekend..
Now.. its frump ville! I began to get cross, thinking "geez when is the last time i brought myself something pretty-- just because..." I then was struck with the revelation that even if i had a Divine wardrobe... where the HELL am i going to wear it? The bread shop across the road? on my morning walk?
Oh how life has changed...... i sulked for about ten mins... and then caught sight of my daughter sleeping soundly in her cot making little sleep noises that sounds like a teeny kitten purring... As much as there is parts i miss about the old me... about the life i had before all this... i wouldn't change it for anything... i am exactly where i have always wanted to be.... married to an incredible man and a mother of a beautiful daughter..
But, there are still some things that over the last 4 months of parent hood i have learnt help (and yes, I'm still very new in the game and am constantly learning!)... But from my experience, i have found, these things make life a little easier and help make you feel a bit more.. well.. human.. Here they are:
Wear something that matches-- Yep, its that simple. There are days i look like i have fallen into the wardrobe and come out wearing the pile i landed in... I'm talking, my husbands tracksuit bottoms, a weird discolored singlet i ruined in a load of washing and a weird mo hair cardigan i once picked up at a sale... Its amazing how much you will feel better if your wearing something that at least matches.. (and from my experience, black works a treat!)
Put a bit of makeup on and brush your hair even when staying at home-- Now this is a task in itself when your neck deep in loads of washing and ironing and keeping baby entertained.. but make it an aim that when you get up in the morning, whack on a bit of foundation and a slick of lip gloss and you will feel better for it. trust me!
Play music! And YOUR music—itl make you feel more like an adult: I have found that having something playing in the background of your daily doings instantly lifts my mood... My daughter is now a fan of Adel, Beyonce and Coldplay.. Children will adapt!! Yes, there is a time for Justine Clarke and the Wiggles greatest hits.. but have YOUR stuff playing around the house sometimes.. and it will make you feel lighter! (as long as its not Marilin Manson or KORN-- i suggest you keep that for your own ears only ha! )
Magazines in nursery to read while if baby is occupying herself-- Hubby brought home some mags for me last night.. and i looked at him and said "um.. I'm not sure when ill have the time to read these.. but ah.. thanks!"... and then i had the brilliant idea of popping them in the playroom .. While miss muffet lay on the floor discovering her feet.. i managed to sit next to her and read a whole article about spring fashion AND play with her at the same time--- this is one of my cleverest moments so far!
Have a glass of wine every now and then-- really. do it. over dinner, on the weekend. whenever. But it will relax you and make you feel like a grown up even sitting amongst the toys and highchair and baby crap!
Dedicate ten mins a night to talk to your hubby about something that isn’t baby related-- and don't let that little monkey creep into your conversation either! You will not believe how i have had to train myself to not involve her in ten mins of conversation! Yes youre parents and have a gorgeous little child.. but that's not the be all and end all of conversations-- YES there is other things to talk about.. so make an effort to have ten mins of baby free convo a night... you ll be surprised at what you end up talking about and it might even encourage a laugh or two! :)
Play a board game! It'll do wonders for your marriage-- Only on the weekend, hubby and i sat down to a game of balderdash with the in laws and it was SO refreshing to just play and laugh and think of silly things that had nothing to do with anything! It cleared our minds and we felt fabulous after it! Go buy a silly game this week and make time for a game here and there.. its fun to be the kids for a change!!
Buy something for you or the house—again something not baby related-- Good old retail therapy.. never fails..
Ask for 1 hour to yourself on the weekend—its not asking for much but will re charge your batteries-- A bath, sitting outside in the sunshine.. a chance to cut your nails (you know they are wayyyy overgrown now).. a chance to just breath, re group and gather your thoughts.. or not.. you might choose to do absolutely nothing-- and that's great too!
Eat dinner together (aim to have your baby in bed before dinner is served)-- an almost impossible thing in those first few weeks of parenthood.. but a few months in, you should be able to sort out bubs feeding and time it with dinner.. even if its just a few night a week.. Sitting with hubby for a meal and a glass of red is really important .. adult time is always refreshing.
Set goals—eg a little weekend away—it will give your something to look forward to-- Have something to brake the same old same old. Plan a weekend away.. (and you can take bub or not) but it will give you something to look forward to.. a change of scene is great for re charging those batteries giving you a fresh perspective!
Have sex at least once a week—do it even if your tired, once you start, you ll be glad you did lol... make the effort to make love.. Yes your both tired, perhaps cranky from a long day, but there is nothing like the throws of passion to wake you up and leave you feeling rejuvenated! .. Anddd it burns calories.. BONUS :)
Call a friend just to chat! (especially great for those who live away from friends and family)-- I did this just last week, chatted with a friend on skype for 40 mins... when i got offline i felt lighter and happy.. There is nothing quite like a good chat with a girlfriend
Get a diary and write out a to do list—even if its just sorting which days to do what housework, it will make you feel more organised, in control of your week and once you cross those jobs off you will feel like you re achieving something
Date nights- so important. Aim to do it once a month.
Have a bitch— youre human, you re allowed to have bad days. And even mummy's need to have a bitch... find that special someone who will listen, make you laugh and understand... a vent is so therapeutic
Leave the housework til tomorrow-- If you re having 'one of those days' and you re just not feeling particularly motivated.. are tired, rundown and non enthused.. leave the housework for today-- it will be there tomorrow. There is nothing worse then tackling the washing basket when you have a chip on your shoulder.. you will probably end up in a heap on the floor in tears after you've tried to fold the same pair of pants 5 times and it just isn't working -- trust me, I've been there. If your having a rough one, leave the chores until you have a better frame of mind. The world isn't going to end if you take one day off housework
Never go to bed without saying sorry-- All those little comments, those snarly remarks.. the snaps you make at each other because you are tired, over it and exhausted.. they don't really mean anything... don't go to bed without saying, "sorry, i love you babe".. if you hurt each other with words, make sure you apologise... you don't need the additional stress and upset of an unhappy partner.. its not worth staying mad.
Eat chocolate. Seriously. It helps.
And most importantly. NEVER let anyone make you think as though you are not significant just because you are a housewife, a mother or a father. You re job and role in the family is so important. You are the mortar that holds the bricks together. You are the person who your kids look to for comfort, re assurance and stability. The day to day tasks you do might seem little and repetitive.. but it is these repetitive motions that hold your little family together.. you are the glue that helps stick all the pieces of this life you have both created together... don’t doubt your worth... because without YOU... it all comes tumbling down.
Until next time x
