When you think of your "other half".. what do you initially think of? that spunky, handsome, darling, amazing, wonderful man who is the love of your life"..?.. or is it more like "that cute yet somewhat annoying person who threw his dirty socks on the floor right next to the laundry basket AGAIN".. or is it a mix of the two? Be honest. Do you tend to nag and get peeved when all things aren't peachy, perfect and "just so"!?
As women we are forever trying to obtain perfection, weather it be having a beautiful tidy house, or all the washing done, or that magic tasting dinner.. even to what we look like! We primp, and place and fluff up cushions, we wash and fold things into perfectly clean "sunshine fresh" smelling piles.. we spritz and scent things, we dim lights for ambiance.. arrange things in pretty sequences .. organise ornaments, and vacuum til our little hearts are content and satisfied that there is not one speck of dust anywhere to be seen. And as women, i think this is just in our nature! We want things to look, feel and smell pretty :)
But secretly, we (am i the only one?) have the expectation (or hope) that it will remain this way for at least a few days.. (dream on) after all our hard work! So when something falls out of place, or the dishes from him cooking aren't immediately washed up or he doesn't jump to make the bed on a Saturday morning .. you think- "stuff that, im not doing it, i always do it!".......wrong attitude. Ive had to sit myself down and give myself a good talking to. And Ive had to shift my focus off myself and start thinking about the very person i chose to spend my life with.. for better or worse. My husband.
This got me thinking...... (and feeling terribly guilty)
I wonder how often he bites his tongue, in fear of getting his head bitten off. I wonder how often he just steps outside .. just to take a quick breather from his full on day. I wonder if he ever comes close to tears just as i do, but stops himself so he doesn't upset me. Maybe those dark circles under his eyes aren't from dehydration (Yes, i nag him about not drinking enough water too!) maybe they are because.. yes.. believe it or not ... he is tired too!
When your spouse comes home and just wants to STOP.. and doesn't really think about where he's putting his stinky shirt.. (on the floor) or if he takes a few minutes to greet you in an excited and happy tone.. what do you do. You get your panties in a twist huh! yup, I do. I think - bloody hell, look at that shirt, doesn't he know ive been tidying all day, i feel so unappreciated right now.. and whats with the silent treatment, he could at least come and give me a kiss- Ive had a hard day cleaning and caring for bub and me me me.. i i i!!!
Ring any bells? Its true isnt it, after a hard day of doing what you do as a wife/mother/girlfriend whatever.. you think "oh woe is me" .. I know I do. I sulk, and "humph" and snap and bicker.. i hiss and bite back with sarcasm all the time. I do it without even thinking. And its time i stopped. Or atleast tried to.
Here's a thought.
When was the last time you thanked Him for going to work?
Seriously.
I know it might sound silly at first. But think about it. (and this is for you stay at home mums especially). He goes to work all day, deals with people, talks all day (my husband is in sales), has on a stiff , uncomfortable and boring suit and tie, has to be professional, polite, engaging in conversation, responsive, make decisions, appear alert and awake (even if he has been up til 3am helping you with the baby)... and when he comes home one night out of 5 and isnt happy-go-lucky "super-husband" you get shitty ( excuse the french)
Sometimes.. we as women tend to get so caught up in all the busy,important, exhausting, time consuming things we do that we easily forget that our husbands have a whole other world that they spend their day in.. their job. To us, they get up, trot off to work and then when they walk in the door its "hi hunny.. how was your day -- and then i find myself hardly leaving the poor guy time to answer before I begin rattling off every little detail about my day including how many dirty nappies bub did and what i ate for lunch!.
Its so easy to become consumed in our stuff that you forget about the person you love, adore and are bestfriends with -- our husband.
I began to wonder.. hmm what is he thinking..
Well lastnight, I got a brief a peek. He was being somewhat non responsive when i was going on about my day.. he wasn't ignoring me by an means, he was simply not giving me the proper sentenced responses i was wanting him to give me! (sound familiar).. so what did i do. I snapped - "um. are you even listening to me" i said.. the poor guy just looked at me in confusion and responded "yes? whats the matter"... then he spend the next 1/2 an hour under the wrath of my silence.. i sulked ... "hmmf, he never listens, he thinks what i do during my day is insignificant...bla bla bla" Yup, in my head I was ranting to myself about how unappreciated i felt when BANG - like a tonne of bricks .. he turned around and said.. "sorry smoosh (my nickname- dont laugh!) .. im just tired at the end of the week thats all, i wasnt ignoring you". While i was getting worked up and getting a nasty line ready to bite him with when he next spoke to me, i suddenly woke up and snapped out of it. He was just tired. that's all. plain and simple.
Ladies. Yes, we work hard... and yes we are amazing (if i dont say so myself) .. but , every now and again.. take a look at that person you chose to share your life with, take a look at what he does do instead of focusing on all the things he doesn't do... ask about his day- and pause to hear his response.. hug him often. tell him he is appreciated. let him off the hook sometimes. thank him for his wonderful work ethic and commitment to you.
We are lucky he loves us just the way we are- even though we get shitty, nag, sigh huff and puff, don't have the perfect body (damn it), he loves us when we get upset, emotional, irrational, moody for no reason, when we have no makeup on, mismatched silly odd pyjamas on, our big comfy "i cant be bothered" knickers on, when we screw up, mess up and lose the plot...he still loves us..
.....lets love him back the same way.
I challenge you (like i have had to challenge myself).. to do something nice for him tonight when he comes home from work. Weather it be cook him his favourite dinner.. let him watch a footy game (all the way through!) without complaining.. or maybe just thank him for being such a great husband.
Whatever it is you do, i promise it will lift his spirits and make him feel good.
And that's what its all about really.. making each other feel loved and appreciated..
Until next time
*"the wife who snapped out of it".. Bridget x
So true! I feel so guilty sometimes for being such a nag! Not sure what yet, but I'm going take your challenge and do something nice for my husband. :)
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